QUIDICHISM - April 2002
The Official Quid Newsletter
View QUIDICHISM from March 2002

Bon journo, Quid fans.

Some actual news for you this month: Quid will be playing at the two shows in the next month or so, so mark your calendars now.

FRIDAY, MAY 24, 2002
Quid at Grace Church (Madison Ave, Madison)
Time & Cost TBA
Other Acts: Limewheel, Free Loose, Avery & More

SATURDAY, JUNE 1, 2002
Madison Community House
Time & Cost TBA
Other Acts: Limewheel, Spitwhittle, Avery & numerous other punk bands

Don't miss them! These shows will be great and cheap. The Grace Church show should have some great rock bands.

In other news, "Jack of the Shadows" is still in production, but sounding great. Just vocals left: we're experimenting with lots of power metalish harmony tracks. All that's left is "Dead Center" and our demo is wrapped up.

That's all I've got for you, but our good friend Tom emailed me a 1,014-word rant about a tampon industry conspiracy. Here it is after heavy editing:

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After being a life guard for two years it has come to my attention that girls seem to be developing at a much younger age. I was first alerted of this my first year life guarding, when I noticed a young girl, too young to swim in the deep end that was starting to develop breasts. At first I thought, "Tom, you sick child molester, why the hell are you noticing this?" Then I saw another girl like this, and yet another, and then a preteen with bigger breasts than girls my age. I brushed them off as early bloomers and didn't think much of it at the time. The following summer, working as a glorified babysitter once again, the number of "early bloomers" increased, but I didn't think anything of it until one night when I was grounded and watching TV. I flipped past some show about chicken farmers using growth hormones to produce bigger chickens and increase profits. Then the show had doctors talking about possible unhealthy side effects of hormones on children. Nothing clicked in my mind. The show soon bored me, as do most things, so I switched to MTV, which soon annoyed me with the many tampon commercials. I started thinking, the only way Tampax can make money is by advertising to an audience that needs its product. Now granted, there are fertile women watching MTV, but I'm positive that the majority of mature women stopped watching MTV years ago. The commercials only appeal to a small percentage and hopefully lay down the tracks for the future. Then I saw a commercial with a chicken in it and the light bulb went off. These tampon companies have given chicken farmers a deal they can't turn down: tampon companies are paying farmers to jack up their chickens with growth hormones so puberty in females starts younger. This means for profits for both the chicken farmers and the tampon companies. I know what you're all thinking. "Tom, you stupid bastard, why the hell would they do that when they could just put hormones in the water?" Simple. That was the original plan, but with the bottled/filtered/distilled water craze, the tampon industry felt it was a waste of money and too risky to bribe water companies and spike the water supply. (Plus, since 9/11 it would be impossible to get shit in the water without a death sentence.) But there's more, too. We now have reason to believe that Midol is helping by funding the hormone production. The very next day I confirmed my fears by finding young chicken-eating girls already with their periods. The Horror! And as it turns out, Tampax is an acronym: Total Annihilation of Males Association. You can't fool me by adding an in a "p" and "x".

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It ends with rallying call to men across America. I'll spare you.

So there you have it. Come see us live and give our songs a listen at http://www.mp3.com/quidband. And send us emails! Carolyn will club a baby seal each day that we don't get at least 5 profound messages.

Thank you, and think of the seals.

Very truly yours [in order of increasing nervous energy],

Brian
Scott
Carolyn
John

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